Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Why men are happier

Men are just simply happier people, and here is why...

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You dont have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes dont cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigerette... ? "

Class teacher once said : " pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....

it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and father of ur name!!

"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

My manager started like this "Hi, I am Pinky, Married with two kids"

"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board

"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us.... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Teacher: "What is your name?".


Student: "Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."


Teacher: "When I ask a question in English, answer it in english."


Student: "My name is Sunlight .

Teacher: What happened in 1869?


Student: Gandhi ji was born.


Teacher: What happened in 1873?


Student: Gandhiji was four years old.

Question: What is the fullform of maths.


Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?


Student: BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.


Student: A holiday

Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.


Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.


Teacher: Why?


Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

Teacher: "Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "


Johnny: "Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."

Teacher: How old is ur father.


Sunny: As old as I am.


Teacher: How is it possible?


Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

Teacher: There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?


Student: 32 yrs.


Teacher: How do you know?


Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

1. Is Dil mein aansuyo ke mele hain Tum bin hum bohat akele hain Sab kuch chod kar tumeh e-mail karte hain Dekho hum kitne vele hain * vele = lazy (vele is a Punjabi word) 2. Har desh ki ek sarhadd hoti hai bache ki bhi ek jidd hoti hai aur kitna intzaar karru tere sms ka Kanjosi ki bhi koi hadd hoti hai 3. kayi raaz aise hote hain jo dikhaye nahi jaate kayi kisse aise hote hain jo sunaye nahi jaate kayi dil aise hote hain jo tode nahi jaate aur aap jaise dost aise hote hain jo chode nahi jaate. 4. Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai mein, dil dooba hai gamo ki gehrai mein, hume mat dhoondna duniya ki bhid mein, hum millenge tumhe tumhari parchaai mein..... 5. Humse door jayoge kaise, Dil se hume bhulayoge kaise, Hum to vo khusboo hain jo aapki saanso mein baste hain, Khud ki saanso ko rok payoge kaise 6. Har baar dil se yeh paigaam aaye JubaaN kholu to tera he naam aaye Tum he kyon bhaye dil ko kya malum Jab nazroo ke saamne haseen tmaam aaye 7. Mere Dil, Jiger, Kidney, Liver ho tum waqt-bewaqt aaye vo fever ho tum Doob kar jisme marr jayu vo River ho tum Mere jeevan mein ab to forever ho tum... 8. You must be a good runner because you are always running in my mind, you must be a good thief because you have stolen my heart, and i am always a bad shooter because I Miss You Always... 9. Shaam hote hii ye Dil udaas hota hai Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai b***ar jab koi aas-paas hota hai.. 10. Door waadiyoN mein dhundley badal chupkar parvat se milne ka intzaar karte hain, Dil mein tamaam hasarteiN liye hum aapka intzaar karte hain 11. Kya aankheiN hain aapki, kya baatein hain aapki.. us khuda ne kuch aisa aapko bnaya hai... maano..."Shhhsss...KOI Hai" se bhoot nikal aaya hai.... 12. Aap kya jaano hum kitna yaad karte hain maano ya na maano har pal fariyaad karte hain Roz khat likhte hain CARTOON NETWORK ko aur aapko play karne ki maang karte hain.... waaaaahhhhhhhhh. .. 13. Phool khilte rahein zindgi ki raah mein hassi chamakti rahe aapki nigaah mein kadam kadam par mile khushi ki bhaar aapko dil deta hai yehi dua baar-baar aapko. 14. L O V E L = Lake of Sorrow O = Ocean of Tears V = Valley of Death E = End of life.... 15. Friendship is like a glass handle it with care because once broken cannot be mended and even if mended.... a crack is always there !!! 16. When Nights are long & Friends are few, I sit by my Window & think of u. a silent whisper a silent tear. with all my Heart i wish you were here. 17. When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!! 18. When the time comes for you to give your heart to someone make sure that u select someone who will never break your heart coz broken hearts have no spare parts. 19. Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi liya paper aur tasveer aapki bnayi socha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge magar vo to bacho ko daraane ke kaam aayi... 20. Badi asaani se dil lgaaye jaate hain par badi mushkil se waade nibhaye jaate hain le jaati hai mohabbat un raaho par jaha diye nahi dil jalaaye jaate hain 21. Most people walk in and out of your life, but only FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart. 22. Good FRIENDS are hard to find, harder to leave,and impossible to forget. 23. DON'T frown.You never know who is falling in love with your smile 24. When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there 25. Aap jaise log hume kuch khas lagte hai. mann me har waqt hum ek aas rakte hai, jaane kab aa jaye sms aapka is liye cell ko dil ke pass rakte hai 26. When u feel sad.... To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, "damn I am really so cute" u will overcome your sadness. But don't make this a habit..... Coz liars go to hell !!!! 27. One day Love and friendship met. Love asked-when i already exist why are you here? friendship replied "to make faces smile when u leave the tears!!!" Friendship is the best thing in the world as there is no scope for tears if your friend is good. 28. If you love someone, put their name in a circle, instead of a heart, because hearts can break, but circles go on forever 29. If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them, I'd be at the bottom to catch them. 30. To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart. 31. Smile a while and while you smile, smile another smile and soon there will be miles and miles of smile just because you smiled, i wish your day is full of SMILE. 32. Muskura do jara khuda ke vaste, sama-e-mahefil mai rosni kam hai, tum hamare nahi to kya gum hai, hum tumhare to haiN ye kya kam hai? 33. Hi i am marrying next week there will be a small party and only few persons will be invited Hey don't bring any gift just bring SOMEONE to marry me..... 34. A good Friend is like a computer he ENTERS in your life SAVE himself in your heart,FORMATS all your troubles and never DELETE you from his heart. 35. A friend is sweet when it is new... it is sweeter when it is true.... but you know that..... it is the sweetest when it is u..." 36. A friend is sweet when it is new... it is sweeter when it is true.... but you know that..... it is the sweetest when it is u... 37. Chehre pe ashko ki lakeer si ban gayi Jo na chaaha tha vo takdeer si ban gayi humne to chalaayi thi ret pe ungli gaur se dekha to unki tasveer si ban gayi 38. Mountain can fly,river can dry you can forget me but never can i 39. Tere pyaar ki roshni aisi hai ki har taraf ujaala nazar aata hai sochta hu ki ghar ki bijli katwa du kambaqt bill bohat aata hai 40. Door rehkar bhi yaad karenge yeh mat sochna ki bhool jayenge tumeh, agar dost bankar raas na aaye to ajnabi ban kar yaad aayenge tumeh 41. Destiny decides who u meet in life but its only your heart that can decide who gets to stay in your life..... 42. Have a heart that never hardens have a smile that never fades have a touch that never burnt and have friendship that never breaks. 43. If u drop me i ill break if u hold me i ill shake if u need me i ill hurry, if u don't call me i ill worry if u hurt me i ill cry but if u leave me i ill die. 44. Meaning of Friendship : - F-------FOREVER R-------RESPONCIBLE I--------INTELLIGEN T E-------EAGER TO MAIL N-------NICE D-------DIVINE S--------SIMPLE H-------HEARTLY I--------INTERSTED P-------PEACEFUL 45. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you're not 46. I saw your face as you walked by but then I saw a better guy 47. I see your face when I am dreaming That's why I always wake up screaming 48. My love you take my breath away What have you stepped in to smell this way 49. My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe "go to hell" 50. Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face 51. Jawaab teri shayari ka.... denge hum shayari mein.... naam tera likh baithe hain.... apne dil ki diary mein.... 52. If u are a chocolate you are the SWEETEST, If u are a teddy bear you are the most HUGGABLE, If u are a star you are the BRIGHTEST, and since you are my friend...U R THE BEST !!! 53. Tum hoti to aisa hota, tum hoti to waisa hota Tum is baat pe itna hasti, tum uss baat pe itna khush hoti, Tum is baat pe ye kehti,tum uss baat pe wo kahati shukar hai tum nahi ho!!! 54. Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; And the best way to keep love is to give it wings. 55. Dil ki aavaj bhi sun mere fasaane pe na jaa meri najaroN ki taraf dekh jamaane pe na jaa.. 56. Haseeno ne haseen banke gunaaah kiya, auro ko to theek humko bhi tabaah kiya, pesh kiya jab ghazaloN mein unki bewafaii ko, auro ne to theek unhone bhi waah waah kiya 57. Yeh jo haseeno ke baal hote hai, ladkon ko fassane ke jaal hote hai, na jaane kitno ke khoon piye honge inhone, tabhi to inke honth laal hote hai 58. Love is sweet poison: Do not consume without your beloved's advise and keep out of reach of children and keep it in cool and dark place. 59. Promise me we are true friends I am lamp you are light I am Coke you are Sprite I am Sawan you are badal I am Normal you are Pagal I am Water you are Tanki I am Tarzan you are Monkey 60. Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye Aaj vo humse jannat mein takra gaye Aur humare dil se awaaz nikalii.... Fiteh Mooh...Tusin Ethe vii aa gaye !!!